---

WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked "intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent
two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside
his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that
the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give
yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all
your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This
is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA,
Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of
America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllloooooooooo !)

8. THE GRAND FINALE This is a true story! Last summer, down on Lake
Isabell, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft.
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very
sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was
applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over
to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The
engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the
correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water
to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so
hard.
............REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.............
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!!!!

Page 3

---