A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in Economy Class
gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight
attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells
the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the
back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London
and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit
and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting
in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she
only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The
blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm
staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that
won't listen to reason. The pilot says, " I'll handle this. I'm married
to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde!" He goes back to the blonde,
whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to
her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are
amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class wasn't going to London"
Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound
good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship"
poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself! I hope you
enjoy it,
My Friend...When you are sad, ... I will get you drunk and help you plot
revenge against my the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, ... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, ... I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, ... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, ... I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, ... I will use little words to explain it to your
dumb ass.
When you are sick, ... stay the hell away from me until you're well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, ... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, ... I pledge till the end.
Why you ask me? Because you're my friend!
Three Men and A Genie
Three men - a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and President Bush - are out
walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops
out of it. "I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes
total," says the genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever
made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afganistan, so that no infidels and Jews can come into our precious
state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall
around Afganistan.
President Bush, asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this
wall."
The genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick
and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out ---
virtually impenetrable."
President Bush says, "Very impressive. Fill it with water."
What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
Say, "Nice Dick."
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do
you have?
Divorce proceedings most likely.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at halfmast?
They're hiring.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why is there not any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A Pimp.
Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the
cage, along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say Fuck?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell Bingo."
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row row row your boat.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
Page 4 (Coming Soon)